How do you bury your own child?

or the worst thing you will ever have to do in your life

So Jack died on Sunday 18 June 2023 but we had not been able to see him. His autopsy took place in Bordeaux on Wed 21 June and he was brought home to Le Dorat on Thursday 22 June. Ian and I were then able to see him on the Friday morning. He looked so peaceful - as if he was just sleeping, not dead, but he there was no softness in his face and finally we had to believe that this was not just an awful mistake. Our beautiful son was gone and our lives changed forever.

By law in France funerals have to take place within 6 working days of the body being released to the family, so the deadline was Wed 28 June. We knew he would be buried, but where? Yorkshire where he was born was suggested, but we knew it had to be in France where we could visit his grave. He would be buried, not cremated - this was more for us than for him though. Jack would have probably wanted a Viking send-off - set adrift in a boat with a flaming arrow fired from the shore - but sadly this is not how things work in the real world! So we had to find a cemetery asap.

In France you only have the right to be buried in your commune’s cemetery but the one in Le Dorat is all hardness, gravel and stone - with barely a plant amongst its regimented rows. Jack loved the natural world - wild flowers & trees - the glory of God’s creation - he could never be buried in such a dead place. Bussière-Poitevine was even worse - uncared for with broken headstones and surrounded by a wall such as would surround a prison with solid metal gates - the dead here seemed truly forgotten! Villefavard was suggested, but the funeral director was doubtful that we would be granted permission. It was Friday late morning and we were in despair! Jack’s funeral was set for 11am on Wed 28 June and nothing happens in France over the weekend!

We were heading to Villefavard next, but needed to return to the house first to collect a letter given to us by the British Consul in Bordeaux asking whichever Mayor it might be to allow us a place in their cemetery. As we pulled up in the car, a member of my chorale stopped me to give us her condolences. In tears, I told her our predicament and she said that she knew the Mayor of Villefavard and would call him immediately to ask him to see us that afternoon. We went to the cemetery and realised it was the perfect place and then saw the Mayor who agreed to not only release a plot for Jack, but also plots for Ian and I next to him. It transpired that he had lost his son suddenly too and completely understood what we were going through.

So all was set for Jack’s burial in Villefavard at 11.00 am on Weds 28 June 2023.

As I was writing the notice to announce this, I realised that this date was exactly 25 years since Jack’s baptism in the Grimshaw font at St Michael and all Angels/Haworth Parish Church. During his Baptism, when the Vicar, Revd Paul Slater said to Jack “Christ claims you as his own. Receive the sign of the cross.” as he made the sign on his forehead, Jack beamed at Paul with such intensity that we all reacted.

John 3:5-7 tells us: Jesus answered, “Truly I tell you, unless someone is born of water and the Spirit, he cannot enter the kingdom of God. Whatever is born of the flesh is flesh, and whatever is born of the Spirit is spirit. Do not be amazed that I told you that you must be born again.”

So, a coincidence or God’s hand in taking him into his kingdom on a significant day, which Jack truly believed in? I know what Jack would think.